I looked at my own cervix.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
