I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
