she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
