I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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