summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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