Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
