Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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