we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
