i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Help. Why am I so naked?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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