:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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