I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
