Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
