garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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