bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Randomize
