I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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