he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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