I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pants are for mortals
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
