Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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