Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
