Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
