alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
