Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
