why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
