she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
