Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
