Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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