This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
