Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
last night I used snow as a chaser
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
