I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
