Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
