I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
