Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
