Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
