i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
