p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
