Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
