so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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