So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
