She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
