Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
