she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
