I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
