My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
