I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
