dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
