The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
