i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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