Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
