he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
