how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
