Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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