Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
