i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
