I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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