Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
