why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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