I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish you could order shots online.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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