Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
