Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
