either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
