All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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