woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
