I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
