I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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