I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize