STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
