you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
