Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
