I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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