3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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