Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
