respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
