I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize