My brain says no but my pants say off.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
