I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
